It was the power of words, it was the weakness of words

Dickens knew what he was talking about when he wrote “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way …”

My heart is filled with such joy at the election of Barack Obama as President and so empty with the passing of proposition 8. I try to console myself with the victory and not look at what was lost.

I don’t know if I can find the correct words to describe what I am in feeling – certainly it won’t be eloquent. Emotions never are adequately expressed with words. For words never seem powerful enough – after all they are just a bunch of letters arranged and then rearranged. (On the matter of letters – can I just say I never noticed how often I use the letter u until the key got stck) Words are used so frequently and casually that meanings become lost.

Yet words have such power. Sticks and stones may indeed break bones but so can words. Words said at a curtain time, in a certain place can drastically change a life. The three letters of DNR on a medical chart. The word guilty to a person standing trial. The words I do to the person you love.

Then there are the words. Words used to express so much, things so big that they come to be meaningless shells. Freedom. Hope. Love.

For all that words are just a bunch of letters arranged and then rearranged I clearly remember how powerful I felt when I realized that I could spell hate, as it was simply hat with an e.

After this election – a lot of words churned around in my head as I tried to vocalize my heart. I couldn’t understand how someone could vote to deny someone else a right. How they could be so fearful of the new President elect? Oh the words – idiot, stupid, bigot – come so easily to mind to describe these people, it scared me.

For I think of my mirror. The person who’s heart is so empty with the election of Obama as President and filled with such joy at the passing of proposition 8. I imagine they console themselves with a victory in defeat. This person who can’t understand how a person could vote the way they did – believe what they believe. How can there be people who are so stupid, who are such idiots.

The paradox continues. People argue for tolerance of their views and values while showing intolerance for those who disagree. People demand their rights while attempting to take away someone else’s.

I wish I had the words to make sense of this, to find a bridge or at least help construct. I wish it could be done, that I had such power, simply by adding an e at the end.

I didn’t vote for Obama

I didn’t vote for Obama

I voted for my country that I believe has the potential to be all that we wish it to be. To be worthy of the dreams dreamt by those just starting to awake from tyranny and fear

I voted to justify that we can be a nation respected within the world. To earn the praise that we so freely give ourselves

I voted for the experiment that was created over 230 years ago - one that is still evolving. To show that while the democracy our forefathers created might have been the best then, it can and must adapt and change to be best of tomorrow

I voted to show how far we have come in 150 years. To show how far we still have to go

I voted to help form a more perfect union

I voted for a belief that government is not the enemy nor is it the savior

I voted for roads that safely carry me away and then back home again

I voted for clear air and clean dirt

I voted for everyone is someones child and we all are created equals and thus should have the same rights

I voted for public education that while in desperate need of change is still the best equalizer and hope for the future

I voted to demonstrate that while we might not all agree, we all want a better tomorrow

So while I filled in the little oval next to Obama -I didn't vote for him

I voted for me and my beliefs and that yes we can make the world better

(I also voted so I could get a sticker but I didn't even get that as I voted absentee)

OBAMA

Oh my but I am pretty sure Obama just won this election!

Five Thus Far

It hit me when I was at four. A little less than three months ago. As I stood and watched my brothers and cousins carry my Grandpa's coffin. As we buried him with our hands and sweat. That someday - please let it be a far off day - I would be at the funeral of all those around me. Or they would be at mine - depending.

I couldn't know that in little more than two months I would have a whole hand full.

At five I thought of how strange it is that I think in numbers. How cold and detached that seems. But then the even colder thought came of there being a time in my future when my fingers are no longer enough to count with. And the additional toes can have only so many little piggies. A time when I can't remember how many funerals I have been to.

But those are things I cannot control nor would I wish to. All I can do is remember the five thus far and hope the next five take as long to accumulate as the first.

It's About Time

So I did IT. I started a blog. Not sure if I will actually follow through with it. But this is a start.